The Idiot's Journey
by VorticalFiveStudios
Summary: After Yusuke and Kuwabara accidentally wreck their vehicle on a road trip to Disney World, they have to work for a job hunter named Yomi to get a new car. Will they succeed? Probably not... OOC AU. Parody of a Youtube video.


**The Idiot's Journey**

_Disclaimer- The following is a non-profit fanfiction. I don't own Yu Yu Hakusho, Bleach, or anything else mentioned. I also don't own GMod: The Idiots Journey "Short Film" (Machinima), the Youtube video this is parodying. Thats owned by Team Epiphany._

The scene starts as the camera zooms in on a man standing in a completely white area. After clearing his voice, the man began to speak. "Hello, ladies and gentlemen. This is Morgan Freeman. And I am narrating the dream of a young boy named Yusuke. Or Ichigo. Or something to that effect. This young man is destined for great things even though this is only a dream." Another person, with black hair and green clothes, is seen sneaking up behind Morgan. "He's still going to wake up, and-"

"E-excuse me sir, but are you Barack Obama?"

"What?" Morgan turned around to see the same person he was talking about. "Oh my god. You're a pale fellow aren't you?"

"Yeah I'm actually a really big fan of you and you abolishing slavery and what not."

"Uh... That was Abraham Lincoln, and I am not Barack Obama, I am Morgan Freeman."

"Then why are you in my dream?"

"To be honest I am in every demon's dream... I don't know why but apparently this is the voice they all have when they have their dreams."

"Well that's really strange Mr. Morgan Freeman but-" Yusuke suddenly gasped as he turned his head 45 degrees to see something else. "Whats that?" he whispered.

"Whats what?"

"Over there... Where I'm looking."

"It... It's a seagull."

"It's a demon."

"It's a seagull."

"I hate seagulls." He began running after it, trying to shoot it with his spirit gun. "SCREW YOU SEAGULL! GET OUT OF MY DREAM! GET OUT OF MY DREAM!" When he finally succeeded in killing the bird, he turned back to the person he was talking to before, and saw him running away. "No! Wait! Mr. Morgan Freeman, come back! I have so many questions about the bible!"

"Get the hell away from me."

"Come back! COME BACK!"

_VorticalFiveStudios proudly presents, a parody of Team Epiphany's mini movie, "The Idiots Journey". Starring Yusuke Urameshi, Kazuma Kuwabara, and many other characters, "The Idiot's Journey", Yu Yu Hakusho style!_

"Yusuke!" Atsuko yelled from downstairs. Yusuke's eyes fluttered open. He looked around. He was in his bed in his room. "Come down for breakfast! I'm cooking some pancakes! I made sure to give you the ones not mixed with alcohol!"

Yusuke yawned as he got out of bed. "Alright mom, but I gotta eat the pancakes quickly! Me and Kuwabara are going on a road trip!"

"Well, before you go bring some food to your grandpa!"

"I don't wanna go see grandpa! Every time I go and see him he smells and talks about the war."

"That's because he's old and it was a traumatic experience!"

"Yeah, well I didn't get six chicken Mcnuggets in my chicken Mcnuggets last night, that was a pretty traumatic experience but I don't need to talk about it every day!"

"...GIVE THE FOOD TO YOUR GRANDPA NOW!"

_LATER_

"H-hey Grandpa?"

"Hello?" Raizen asked.

"Grandpa, what are you doing in the corner?"

"I'm drinking like I'm always drinking!"

"Grandpa, you know mom said 'no more drinking.'"

"F***ing hypocrite."

"Grandpa, I came by to give you some food. I'm gonna be on a road trip for a while with Kuwabara."

"You know, when I was in Korea, we didn't have food..."

"O-o-okay grandpa, I don't need another story."

"We only had the poop from our own-"

"ALRIGHT THAT'S ENOUGH! I'm just gonna go now."

"Yeah, leave, like all the others." But just as Yusuke turned around... "Wait Yusuke! Don't leave!"

"Wha-what is it grandpa? Are you dying?"

"No, Yusuke, I have something I wanna give ya. I wanna give you something that was very important to me during the war: My grenade. It's still live."

"You... You mean Bertha?"

"Yes, big Bertha."

"Oh my god... Grandpa this is awesome..."

"...It shouldn't be."

"Alright, gramps, I promise I will never use it unless I really have to! In a really big situation!"

"I was kind of hoping you could use it right now but whatever. Have fun on your road trip!"

"Okay. By the way Grandpa, that's a really nice painting of Grandma." Yusuke pointed to a painting in the corner.

"...Sure. That's Grandma."

_LATER_

"So, Kuwabara, is the car ready?"

Kuwabara looked at his car, that looked as though it was made out of random furniture he found around the house. "Yup. We look to be just about ready. Uh... Did you go to the bathroom?"

"Yeah, I've actually been going 26 times a day recently, I think I have a problem, but I'm ready to go now!"

"Ok, you are definitely not sitting next to me on this trip."

* * *

Yusuke and Kazuma were now sitting in the crappy car. Kuwabara looked at his friend and said, "Now before we take off, I just want you to know that seat is being held together with duct tape, so if you get some jiggling going on with the seat, we're definitely gonna have some James Bond type crap on our hands."

"That's ok. Now let's do this f***ing thing!"

"Don't... Don't ruin this."

* * *

It only took those idiots 30 seconds to crash by accidentally ramming into a random pedestrian. As the two friends looked at the body, Yusuke began to panic. "Oh my god, dude! Do you think that guys ok-!?"

"We hit a squirrel."

"...What?"

"We hit a squirrel and that is what we are sticking to."

"Well this sucks. How are we supposed to get to Disney World now?"

"I don't know, Urameshi. This thing looks busted beyond repair. I guess we'll just have to walk."

"I can help you two if you want," a red-haired boy said.

"Well, hey there, weird guy. Our vehicle is broken."

"Who the hell are you? Creepy red-head coming out of nowhere?"

"My name is Kurama Seagull. I'm a mechanic. I heard the sound of your car or whatever this thing is crashing, and I figured I'd come over to help, being the nice guy I am."

"Oh, thank god! We're trying to get to Disney World and our car broke down. We hit a... Squirrel."

"...That's right Urameshi. We hit a squirrel."

"Well, squirrels can be real bitches, can't they? Just like my ex-wife. After fifty years of marriage, she thought a milk man was more attractive than me, and I ended up doing exactly what you did to that squirrel over there. I ended up taking a gun, and shooting it right in the head."

"Um... We didn't shoot the squirrel..."

"And then after its brains went all over the floor, I proceeded to pick them up in front of my ex-wife. She screamed... The way I... Liked it..." Yusuke is seen sneaking up next to him with his hands in position to shoot his spirit gun at the man. "And the next thing you know, I'm here being a mechanic helping you fix your car."

"SPIRIT GUN!" Yusuke yelled as he shoot the man in the head, knocking him out. "SCREW YOU SEAGULL! YOU STAY DOWN! I DON'T LIKE YOU, AND I DON'T WANNA SEE ANY MORE OF YOU AROUND THESE PARTS!"

"Why the hell did you shoot him!?"

"Because he was a seagull! He said it, and his name was a seagull! And I hate seagulls!"

"That's just his last name, idiot! He's not an actual seagull!"

"Oh..."

"What the hell is wrong with you? Now we have no car, you knocked someone unconscious just because his last name was something you don't like, and now we're conveniently standing next to... Oh hey look, a cars for sale." It was then he realized they were standing next to a shed and a car with a sign next to it.

"Huh. That seems a little too goddamn convenient. Any idea how much it is?"

"Nope. Theres really no way to tell since the only sign next to it is a freaking arrow pointed downward."

"So you want car, do you boys?"

"The hell? Who said that?"

"I'm in the shed. Come in! Come in!"

_ONE MINUTE LATER IN THE SHED_

Yusuke and Kuwabara stared at the man sitting at the desk. He was a horned demon with six ears. Both his eyes were closed and he wasn't moving a single muscle. On his desk there was a name plate that said 'Yomi'. "Uh... Kuwabara?"

"Yeah, Urameshi?"

"Is he... Uh... dead?"

"What? N-no. I'm not dead. I'm just blind and don't move much."

"Yeah. He's defiantly dead," Yusuke whispered.

"Just why in the name of hell are you whispering?"

"Because dead people can hear me when I talk."

"Are you a retard? I already told you I'm not dead! I'm only a ventriloquist. I've been doing it for years now."

"Oh. Well that's a relief. We wanted to know if we can buy the car out front."

"That depends. How much money do you have?"

"None. Absolutely nothing. We are broke."

"Oh. Well... Sucks to be you guys."

"Wait a second, hold on! Is there anything at all we can do, anything at all to get the money?"

"Well, as a matter of fact, there is. I am what is known as a job hunter."

"Oh god, I see where this is going. Who is it I have to kill?"

"...Huh?"

"Well, you said you were a job hunter. That's like a bounty hunter, right?"

"What? No! Thats the most moronic question I've ever heard! See that bulletin board over there? Theres a list of all the jobs you can have on there."

"Oh awesome! Look at all the cool jobs there are! Look at this one! It says we can be detectives!"

"Yeah! And this one says you can be a soul reaper... Whatever the hell that means."

"Just pick something you know you'll be good at."

_FIVE WEEKS LATER_

"Well, Mr. Yomi, we're back. But... Unfortunately we don't have any cash."

"Say what!?"

"Yeah. None of the jobs we got really worked out."

"You guys were gone for five freaking weeks! You could've gotten like eight jobs in that time, and you're telling me you screwed every single one of them up!?"

"Well I believe it all started with the first job."

"And that would be?"

"We tried being teachers."

_FLASHBACK_

"Hey!" Yusuke said to the first grade class. "What up, you little f***ers?"

Kuwabara immediately turned to him, a shocked look put on his face. "WHAT THE-!?"

_END OF FLASHBACK_

"Yeah, I honestly have no idea where that went wrong."

"Really? Are you sure it wasn't when you dropped the F bomb?"

"What? Whats wrong with dropping a few F bombs?"

"They're kids, for Christ's sake! You can't say F**k in front of them!"

Yusuke gasped. "Yomi! Language!"

"...Moving on. What else did you do?"

"We were plumbers. But... Uh... Needless to say, there was a lot more s**t in that bathroom when we were done compared to when we started."

"...I'm not even going to dignify that with a response."

"Yeah. And next we tried becoming detectives. But I kind of screwed up when I laughed at our boss."

_FLASHBACK_

Yusuke was on the floor laughing. After he saw his new boss, Koenma, he couldn't help but laugh. He looked like a freaking toddler! He even had a pacifier in his mouth for gods sake! "HA HA HA! This pipsqueak is our boss!? HA HA HA! That's priceless! He's like one year old for god's sake!"

Koenma's facial expression quickly changed from a calm one to a frown. "You're fired."

_END OF FLASHBACK_

"YOU MADE FUN OF PRINCE KOENMA!? THAT'S NOT GOOD AT ALL! HE COULD HAVE EXILED YOU FROM THIS LAND FOR GOOD, YOU IDIOT!"

"Yeah. See, the thing is I don't give a crap. And after that, we were plastic surgeons."

"No, no, no Urameshi! You're already telling the story wrong! We were receptionists for a plastic surgeon and tried to be plastic surgeons."

_FLASHBACK_

"So this is it, huh? Receptionists for a plastic surgeon. It actually is amazing that women looking like Sarah Jessica Parker can actually come in here, and come out looking half-way decent."

"Yeah. But its kind of odd that this guy needs two receptionists, isn't it? I feel like one would have been enough. By the way, why do you have a picture of Morgan Freeman, Atsuko, and a starving African child on your desk?"

"Oh, that's just a photo of my family."

"...You're dad is Morgan Freeman and that starving African child is you?"

"Yeah, well, I started hanging out with a different crowd when I got older and I changed. You know what I'm saying?"

"...No. I do not understand. Whatsoever. At all."

And then a short man with jet black hair with a blue outline and white streaks walked in. "Hello, receptionists. How are you doing this evening?"

"Hi, Dr. Hiei. We're holding down the fort."

"Very good. How many patients have come today?"

"Um... About four."

"Good. Very good. I must step out for a few minutes. Continue holding down the fort, but do not, and I mean DO NOT, touch the patients. They are asleep right now and are awaiting their surgery. Goodbye, and once again do not touch the patients. If you do, I will treat you like I treated my victims at the dark tournament. With pain and violence."

_LATER_

"Alright, let's go upstairs and finish Hiei's job."

"What? Did you not hear the insane short guy, Urameshi? He specifically told us not to touch the patients."

"Oh, come on, man. You know he was only saying that. Its pretty obvious he wants us to do the surgery. It can't be that hard. Maybe he'll even give us a raise."

"No. No. Chances are he'll cut is into a million pieces, cook those pieces, and then eat them or something like that."

"Cmon! Lets go!" Yusuke ran off.

"Wait, no! Urameshi! S**t..."

_A FEW MINUTES AFTER THAT_

Yusuke and Kazuma looked at the woman on the operating table. "They kept her clothes on and covered her body in newspapers? What kind of establishment is this?"

Yusuke took out a metal baseball bat. "Ok, let's get started."

"Wait, whoa, whoa, whoa. What the hell are you doing?"

"I assume this will work."

"What the f**k are you gonna do!? Beat her freaking face in with a bat!?"

"Well, plastic surgery is supposed to be about chiseling and remolding the human body, right?"

"Yeah. But not with a baseball bat! Put it down. Put it down. You're scaring me."

Yusuke rolled his eyes and dropped that bat. "Fine. Whats this girl in for, anyway?"

"Urameshi, what is every woman in for for plastic surgery?"

"Ooooohhhhhh..."

"Yeah, that's right. You know what to do."

"I'll start braiding her hair."

"...What?"

_FOUR HOURS LATER_

"Jesus," Yusuke said. "That was some ride. Now its time to look at the masterpiece we created."

"Damn straight, Urameshi. Now lets... Holy s**t."

Both of their jaws dropped when they saw the monstrosity in front of them. "K-Kuwabara... WHAT THE HELL IS THAT!?"

"Urameshi, what did you do!?"

"I had my eyes closed when we were operating on her! I wanted it to be a surprise!"

"Why... Well, I had my eyes closed too, but... But..."

"W-well, he still looks like a... A handsome man..."

"That's a chick, dude!"

"Oh my f***ing god!"

"Do I look pretty?" The woman now looked anything but human. She looked like a cross between a hippo, a goat, a lizard, a bat, and a tiger.

"Run now, Yusuke! Run now and don't look back!"

"Do I look better than Sarah Jessica Parker?"

_END OF FLASHBACK_

"Wait, wait, wait. Hold on a minute. How could you mess all those jobs up!? How did you not get any money!?"

"Actually we did get money when we worked as Hunters."

"...And where is it?"

"I was mugged and it all got taken away."

"ARE YOU KIDDING ME!? YOU TWO ARE THE BIGGEST IDIOTS I'VE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE! AND I'VE LIVED A VERY LONG LIFE! YOU ARE NEVER GETTING MY CAR!"

Suddenly, everything froze except for Yusuke. "W-what the hell is going on?"

"Yusuke," a voice in his head said. "Yusuke, its me. Morgan Freeman."

"Morgan Freeman?"

"That's correct, Yusuke. I'm back inside your head."

"Is this another dream?"

"No, it's not a dream. I just froze time."

"You can do that?"

"I can, Yusuke. Now tell me. Whats inside your pocket?"

"My pocket? That would be the grenade my grandpa gave me."

"That's right, Yusuke. Use the grenade. Use it like your grandfather wanted you to use it."

"Wait, why can't I just use my spirit gun?"

"Because this fanfiction makes no sense to begin with and the author needs you to do something to get rid of that grenade."

"Um... Ok. Thanks."

"Your welcome, Yusuke."

"Hey, wait! Before you go, there's something I need to know. Are you just a figment of my imagination?"

"Maybe I am, Yusuke. Maybe everybody needs a little bit of Morgan in their life."

And the flow of time started up once again. "What do you have to say for yourselves!?"

Yusuke took the grenade out. "Uh... Urameshi, why do you have bomb?"

"Morgan Freeman came to me, and told me how to make this right. For Morgan Freeman!" Yusuke pulled the pin out and threw the grenade at Yomi.

The two began to run away. "Morgan what!?"

"Choke on that, sucker!"

**KABOOM!**

Yusuke and Kuwabara now stood beside the car. "Well, how about that, Kuwabara? This car is our's now."

"Yup. Guess it is. Considering you chucked a nade at someone."

"Now let's go home!"

As the car started outside and drove off, the smoke finally cleared inside the shed. Yomi was still alive, and looked really pissed. "Those bastards haven't seen the last of me. And I swear to Koenma I will have my revenge."

"Is that a thing?" Kurama, who was conscious once again, asked.

"I'm making it a thing."

And to that, Hiei added, "Worst. Ending. Ever."

**THE END**


End file.
